So with the help of counseling, I got him on board with dirty talk during sex (because it's important for me) and I worked (and still work) on telling him what to do when we bone.He can't read my body language, so a lot of the improvement came down to me being more comfortable with giving him instructions.I was deeply ashamed of my sexual interest even before my mother discovered my porn when I was 14 and told me I was a pervert that no decent woman would ever want.
For me, being comfortable with my husband and secure in the relationship made it so much easier to communicate and work on fixing the problems together.
That he was willing to see a counselor and work on sex were also good signs.
If I had a partner who was unwilling to talk about sex or try to fix it, I'd kick his ass to the curb without blinking.
In a recent column, you said you never hear from married couples whose sex life got better and more frequent over the years. My wife and I were married 24 years ago, and we are currently having more sex and better sex than we did in the first years of our marriage.
There are many reasons why, including therapy, antidepressants, and weight loss and subsequent surgery—but I would have to say that the big reason is communication.